Ten of the Most Important Words in China!

Key Insights that You Need
To Survive and Prosper in China

Boyé Lafayette De Mente

PREFACE
In my book China’s Cultural Code Words I noted that all languages are reflections of the emotional, spiritual and intellectual character of the people who created them., and that the older, more structured and more exclusive a society and its language, the more terms it has that are pregnant with cultural nuances that control the attitudes and behavior of the people.
Here are brief introductions to 10 Chinese terms that are especially important.

1) Guanxi (Gwahn-she) / Connnections
From the dawn of China’s ancient civilization the people were controlled by beliefs, customs and laws that limited their ability to make personal and individual decisions. Virtually every aspect of their lives was prescribed, or was set by precedent, down to where they lived, what they wore, the work they did, the education they received, who they married, and how they interacted with other people.
Over the long millennia of Chinese history this system along with the beliefs and behavior that supported it became the foundation of the Chinese mindset. There was a precise Chinese way of doing everything.
In such a society the old adage “It’s not what you know it’s who you know” becomes an axiom of life. Another truism in this kind of society is the fact that it is generally not your intelligence, knowledge, ambition or motivation that determines you success in life. It is guanxi (gwahn-she), the personal connections you have and how clever you are at using them.
Guanxi is usually translated into English as “connections,” but this English term does not do justice to the cultural implications and importance of the word in Chinese society. In my above mentioned book I explain the concept of guanxi by defining it as relationships that are based on mutual dependence.
There is, of course, a certain amount of mutual dependence in all societies but in the American mindset in particular it is generally secondary to a strong sense of individualism and independence. Our mantra is that we take personal responsibility for our actions and our success or failure. Seeking and depending upon connections is not built into our way of life.
That is not the case in China. The essence of Chinese culture, still today, is based on guanxi. The foreigner in China who attempts to get by without making and nurturing connections is almost always doomed to failure.

2) Hou Men (Hoe-uu Mane) / The Back Door
In a society in which personal connections play a paramount role in all relationships—business, personal, political and otherwise—the typical Western way of doing things is often ineffective, and may be considered both arrogant and rude.
In China where historically ordinary people had no inalienable rights to protect them from those in power and where bureaucracy was universal and honed to perfection, expecting something simply because it was “right” and you should get it, and especially “demanding” something or some action, would get the door slammed in your face, or far more serious results.
This situation resulted in the Chinese having to develop a variety of strategies and tactics to get things done—ways that were unofficial but were a key part of the system—like authorities allowing a black market to function because it provided them with advantages of one kind or another.
The most common of these unofficial tactics was using the hou men (hoe-uu mane) or “back door”—that is, contacting and making deals with people behind-the-scenes; in private.
Despite political reforms and cultural changes that have made life in China far more rational and practical, the use of hou men remains deeply embedded in the culture, and when there is a “back door” most people choose to take it—and if there isn’t one they will generally attempt to make one.
This is usually one of the first lessons learned by foreigners working in China.

3) Bao (Bah-oh) / “Social Reciprocity”
In societies that do not have laws that allow people to deal with each other in an honest and fair way, relationships of all kinds—business, personal, political, etc.—must be based on trade-offs of one kind or another.
This means that people must first develop personal contacts and then all of the skills that are necessary to accomplish the results they want.
In China this cultural factor is known as bao (bah-oh), which may be translated as “social reciprocity.” In China’s Cultural Code Words I also refer to it as “bartering social credits.”
Despite the fact that the younger generations of Chinese, especially those with international educations, are gradually breaking away from the restraints of bao in order to deal more effectively with foreigners, the use of “social credits” continues to play an important role in all aspects of life and work in China.
It is still advisable for foreigners assigned to China to build up bao with business contacts and government officials as rapidly and as widely as possible. Just as in the U.S. and elsewhere, one of the primary ways of building up bao in China is hosting dinner and drinking parties.

4) Bi (Bee) / Unity the Chinese Way
The fact that many of the greatest feats of mankind (building long canals, constructing great walls, creating thousands of full-sized terra cotta images of warriors to bury with a dead emperor, etc.) were accomplished in China suggests that the Chinese long ago mastered the art of working together harmoniously and cooperatively.
But this image of China can be misleading to Westerners who are not familiar with the details of Chinese history or with the way the Chinese work together.
In reality the Chinese have always been independent-minded and individualistic but they have also always been under the iron fist of rulers who treated them like cattle, forcing them to behave and work in unison to survive.
Chinese philosophers preached about the wisdom of bi (bee) or “unity” and the rulers took their preaching to heart, but they used force to compel people to behave the way they wanted them to. And thus the bi of China was mostly a mirage.
Now that the heavy boot of the government is gradually being removed from the necks of the Chinese they are exercising varies degrees of freewill for the first time in their history, with the result that life in China has become more chaotic than ever before except in times of war.
Most Chinese are now out to get as rich as possible as quickly as possible, resulting in a lot of friction and frustration that alarms the government—and makes the lives of foreigners living and working in China a lot more unpredictable and interesting.
It is therefore important for foreigners in China to be aware of the historical role of Chinese style bi, and to use the term in its modern sense in their relationships with Chinese.

5) Budan Xin (Buu-dahn Sheen) / Chinese Style Sincerity
In China, as everywhere else in the world, people are very much concerned about sincerity in all of their relationships—because without it one’s trust can be misplaced and abused with serious consequences.
But problems often occur in cross-cultural relationships despite the fact the both sides are aware of the importance of sincerity and often harp on it in their presentations to each other.
Friction and frustration often occur between the parties for the simple reason that their cultural understanding of sincerity differs in a fundamental way.
The Chinese commonly use the term budan xin (buu-dahn sheen) in their references to sincerity and in their desire to have budan xin relationships with their foreign business contacts. This, of course, is always pleasing to the foreigners, and they readily agree that they too want sincerity with their business dealings.
These relationships are seldom without misunderstanding and friction, however, because in its Chinese context budan xin means “sincerity plus understanding”—and the catch is that this understanding means that the foreigners are expected to understand the circumstance or position of the Chinese side, and accept it.
This, of course, puts an entirely different slant on the concept of sincerity that prevails in the West, and it often happens that foreigners dealing with the Chinese must compromise their expectations and behavior to some degree…if they want to do business with them.

6) Buhe Luoji De (Buu-hay Loo-oh-jee Duh) / Fuzzy Logic
As I explain in my book China’s Cultural Code Words, there are three kinds of logic in China: traditional, Communist and Western—and you have to know which one you are dealing with to understand what is going on.
Until the latter part of the 20th century Chinese in general were not allowed to behave in purely Western style logical ways, despite the fact that they could and did think logically in the Western sense in virtually all matters.
This situation is further complicated in present-day China by the fact that people who have been educated and trained to think and behave logically in Western terms will often behave in the traditional Chinese way by choice or in the Communist way because they have no choice.
The traditional Chinese way of thinking is what I call “fuzzy logic,” meaning that it is not the hard two times two equals four kind of thinking or straight-line thinking. It is “holistic” thinking, or thinking in circles.
Since few Westerners are experienced in holistic or circular thinking, Chinese attitudes and behavior are often confusing to them. But fuzzy thinking (the term was actually invented by an American) is often far more powerful than “straight-line” thinking because it is takes in a lot more territory in terms of time, space and long-term results.
Westerners dealing with the Chinese should prepare themselves by learning how to use fuzzy logic.

7) Cheng (Chuung) / Personal Loyalty
Westerners are, of course, familiar with the concept of personal loyalty and are well aware of how important it can be in their lives. But their concept of the importance of personal loyalty pales when compared with that of the Chinese.
Again because the Chinese have never been able to depend upon their governments to detail and defend their rights with laws that applied to everyone, they have been on their own when it comes to avoiding problems, protecting themselves and surviving in every sense of the word.
This situation has changed considerably in present-day China, but the average Chinese still has to depend upon the personal loyalty of family and friends to a far greater extent than Americans and other Westerners.
The Chinese therefore put great credence in developing and sustaining relationships that are based on strong cheng (chuung) ties. This requirement takes up a great deal of the time and energy of the Chinese when both of the parties involved are Chinese.
Interestingly enough, the Chinese can often develop strong cheng relationships with foreigners faster than they can with other Chinese because the cultural baggage that comes with Chinese relationships is far heavier.
Some Chinese/foreign relationships between businesspeople have survived time and war and become legendary.

8) Falu (Fah-luu) / Virtue vs. the Law
One of my favorite Confucian quotes (repeated in China’s Cultural Code Words) is as follows: “Attempting to rule people by laws that require them to act the same leads to resentment and disobedience of the laws and to feel no shame!” Confucius believed that people should behave because of their inherent virtue; not because of manmade laws.
The Imperial rulers of China (as well as the present-day Communist rulers to some extent) apparently took part of this philosophy to heart because most of China’s falu (fah-luu) or “laws” were not codified or published. It was left up to judges and others to decide on what was legal and not legal.
In present-day China there are many published falu but many of them retain some of the essence of Confucius by being worded vaguely—so vaguely in many cases that their purpose cannot be clearly understood. [And when most people ignore them, the government sometimes pretends they don’t exist; or that they were just a test.]
Like the emperors before them, China’s Communist leaders know that if the laws are vague and punishments are quick and severe most people will refrain from doing anything that might even seem or arbitrarily judged to be illegal.
Still today the Communist government of China prefers to rule by directives rather than codified and published laws, which often puts foreign businesspeople and others at a disadvantage because they cannot anticipate how the directives are going to be interpreted.
The only practical approach for foreigners is to get the advice and assistance of experienced Chinese—and hope for the best.

9) Hanyu (Hahn-yuu) / China’s Secret Code
My referring to Hanyu (Hahn-yuu) as China’s secret code is a bit of stretch that is intended to emphasize a key factor in China’s historical and present-day relations with other people. Hanyu means “Chinese language” or “Chinese languages.”
My point is that the existence of ten major Chinese languages (and dozens of minority languages and regional dialects) along with one of the most complex of all writing systems has traditionally served as the “Great Wall” of China—a wall that has helped keep the country isolated, insulated and exclusive until modern times.
In the past so few Westerners learned Chinese (mostly except for some missionaries!) that there was very little communication between ordinary Chinese and Westerners—and the bulk of that was with Chinese who had learned English or some other foreign language. As a result very few Westerners were ever able to fully understanding Chinese culture.
This failing is gradually being remedied, as more and more non-Chinese are learning Mandarin (made the national language of China by the Communist Party in 1949)—and this includes Americans, who traditionally ignored language learning as an important skill.
But the “language wall” that has obscured China for so many millennia is far from being breached, and continues to present a challenge to the rest of the world.

10) Gongwei (Goong-way-ee) / Flattery
To paraphrase an entry in my book, China’s Cultural Code Words, there are many words in Chinese that are designed and used to show respect and deference to the elderly and superiors, to acknowledge social inferiority as well as demonstrate social superiority, to indicate sex and age differences, to account for extended-family relationships, to seek favors, etc. and etc.
This extensive vocabulary is a result of the vital importance that personal relationships have had in China since ancient times—which in turn resulted in people becoming extraordinarily sensitive to and about all of their relationships.
Another result of this situation was the role that gongwei (goong-way-ee), or “flattery,” played in Chinese life.
With both success and survival generally depending on maintaining good relations with others—in the extreme sense—the use of flattery became a national custom that was raised to a fine art.
The use of gonwei is still deeply embedded in the character and personality of the Chinese, and has become one of their most valuable tools in dealing with foreigners. The Chinese learned a long time ago that Westerners—Americans in particular—are especially susceptible to flattery, and they use it with great skill in disarming and manipulating them.
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For a comprehensive explanation of 305 key Chinese words, see my book China’s Cultural Code Words. Also see: Chinese Etiquette & Ethics in Business. Available from amazon.com.
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Copyright © 2010 by Boyé Lafayette De Mente. All rights reserved.

Ten of the Most Important Words in Japan!

Insights that will Help You Understand
And Deal with the Japanese

Boyé Lafayette De Mente

PREFACE
In my book Japan’s Cultural Code Words I noted that all languages are reflections of the emotional, spiritual and intellectual character of the people who created them., and that the older, more structured and more exclusive a society and its language, the more terms it has that are pregnant with cultural nuances that control the attitudes and behavior of the people.
Here are brief introductions to 10 Japanese terms that are especially important.

1) Wa (Wah) / Harmony
Wa (wah) expresses a Shinto concept of harmony between man, nature and all things in nature, and was what the Chinese called the Japanese islands long before the advent of Japan as a unified country.
In the 7th century A.D. Japan’s reigning Imperial Regent issued a series of edicts that have since been referred to as the country’s first “constitution.” The first of these proclamations was that wa was to be the foundation of Japanese society.
While wa has traditionally been translated into English as “harmony,” it means much more than that in its Japanese context. In short, it means not doing anything that causes friction or upsets people or nature, and actively doing the things that ensure and sustain peaceful, cooperative, harmonious relationships.
In other words, wa means “Japanese style” harmony—not harmony in the Western English sense of the word.
During the 1960s and 70s when Japan’s economic engine was running at full speed and was destined to make the small island nation the second largest economy in the world the Japanese incessantly attributed their amazing growth to the existence of wa in business, in government, in the educational system, and throughout society.
All of Japan’s traditional arts and crafts, etiquette, formal speech, cultural practices, etc. are infused with the essence of wa—of Japanese style harmony. As fellow writer Robert Whiting so eloquently noted in his book You Gotta Have Wa!, even the way the Japanese played the game of baseball was also based on maintaining wa among all of the players on both teams—which often meant such things as taking the best players out of a game to avoid embarrassing the other team with high scores.
Still today to function effectively in Japan, foreigners must learn how to deal with the Japanese concept and practice of wa.

2) Amae (Ah-my) / Indulgent Love
Very early in the history of the Japanese the concept of amae (ah-my), which I describe in my book Japan’s Cultural Code Words as “indulgent love,” became a primary principle in the culture and one of the foundation of all relationships. Its full meaning in a culture sense refers to being able to take advantage of other people in a cooperative spirit with the unstated commitment that they can do the same to you when the need arises.
The principle of amae, which no doubt derived from Shinto, takes precedence over egoistic feelings and the natural human instinct of selfishness, and is designed to ensure that society will function smoothly and efficiently.
Of course, this is an idealized concept of the desired attitudes and behavior of human beings—and one that has been a key aspect of many religions and philosophies—but in Japan where it meshed perfectly with the precepts of Buddhism and Confucianism, it actually became an integral part of the Japanese culture.
Both the word amae and the concept it refers to are still very much a part of the cultural make-up of the Japanese, and still plays a primary role in virtually all relationships—particularly so in business and politics.
You might say amae is a much stronger and more important element than the Western concept of “I will scratch your back if you will scratch mine.” What it does in Japan is give the Japanese a great deal more leeway in how they handle their relationships with business partners and political allies.
They can, for example “break” some of the provisions of an agreement or contract when it is expedient to do so without unduly upsetting the other party because the other party has the “right” to do the same thing when it benefits them.
Learning how to use and accept amae behavior is a valuable asset in dealing with the Japanese.

3) Kata (Kah-tah) / Form/Process
Many foreigners are familiar with the Japanese term kata (kah-tah) from its use in the marital arts where it describes the forms or processes used in training. But kata is far more important to understanding and dealing with the Japanese than this implies.
The whole of Japan’s traditional culture, from personal etiquette to how one learned to do all of the routine things in life, was based on precise kata—on exact prescribed ways of doing them. The interjection of personal preference or deviation for any reason from these prescribed kata was taboo.
There was a way of eating (tabe-kata), a way of reading (yomi-kata), a way of writing (kaki-kata), and way of walking (aruki-kata), a way of talking (hanashi-kata), a way of doing things (yari-kata), and so on across the entire spectrum of Japanese behavior.
This prescribed and enforced conformity to exact ways of doing things had a profound influence on the character and personality of the Japanese—making them homogenous to an extraordinary degree as well as predictable because everybody was taught and trained to do things the same way.
It was also responsible for the remarkable manual skills that have long been typical of the Japanese, for their ability to focus on things with great intensity, and their compulsion to “get things right.”
Still today no one can fully understand and appreciate the typical attitudes and behavior of the Japanese without knowledge of the kata that made them.
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For a comprehensive description of the influence of kata on Japanese behavior and how to deal with them, see my book, KATA—The Key to Understanding & Dealing with the Japanese, available from amazon.com.

4) Aisatsu (Aye-sot-sue) / Formal Greetings
Japan’s traditional etiquette was one of the most structured, refined and sophisticated patterns of behavior ever imposed on any people. From infancy, the Japanese were trained physically and taught verbally how to behave in the prescribed manner.
There was no question about whether or not the young would be trained in etiquette or how they would be trained to behave. It was in integral part of the lifestyle—of being Japanese. Not behaving in the prescribed manner was a serious fault that could get one ostracized, if not eliminated.
The rules and forms involved in aisatus (aye-sot-sue) or “greetings” were especially important between inferiors and superiors. The higher the rank of an individual, the more detailed the prescribed manner of greeting him or her, and the more rigorous the behavior was enforced.
The first Westerners to show up in Japan noted that the behavior of the typical Japanese was the kind one might expect of royalty.
Most young Japanese are no longer trained from infancy in the traditional behavior, but they continue to absorb it from the culture and from witnessing it among adults as they grow up, and most of the traditional forms of etiquette are still followed by adults, particularly in formal situations.
The Westerner who really wants to “fit in” in Japan must learn a number of the more important forms of aisatsu, such as the formal greetings that take place in the business world during New Year’s and on numerous other auspicious occasions, from weddings to funerals.
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For a detailed description of Japanese etiquette, see my book, ETIQUETTE GUIDE TO JAPAN---Know the Rules that Make the Difference, available from amazon.com.

5) San (Sahn) / Mr./Mrs./Miss
This simple little word is one of the most important terms in the vocabulary of the Japanese, and using it correctly is also one of the easiest things that foreigners in Japan can do—language-wise that is.
This version of San (Sahn) is the Japanese equivalent of Mr., Mrs. and Miss, and follows either the first name or the family name. In other words, Tanaka San may be Mr. Tanaka, Mrs. Tanaka or Miss Tanaka.
The attachment of San to family names has become so integrated into Japanese culture that is more like a part of the name than an honorific or term of respect. Adults who have known each other from childhood habitually attach the san to each others’ names when addressing each other in virtually all situations except when they are out drinking together and get a little “high”—at which time they are culturally permitted to “dispense with etiquette.”
In addition to people in general, San is also commonly attached to the first names of family members and close friends, especially when girls and young women are being addressed. Even mothers are inclined to attach san to first names when they address their children, especially when they are irritated by them or angry with them.
San also morphs into Chan (Chahn) when one is addressing family members and close friends by their first names. In other words, Yoshiko becomes Yoshiko Chan (Yoh-she-koh Chahn). It is also customary to use Chan instead of San when using the diminutive of first names—but again this is only among families and very close friends, and is generally limited to females. The diminutive of Mariko is Mari, which becomes Mari Chan. [This is the equivalent of calling Robert “Bobby.”]
The point is, if you do not use Mr. Mrs. or Miss when addressing Japanese it is good manners to use san—and will likely be regarded as rude if you do not. Addressing a girl as Chan is very intimate, however, and should not be done by men unless they are close friends and the situation is informal.

6) O’kyaku san (Oh-k’yahk San) / Guest/Customer
The Japanese have long been famous for their attention to detail and the quality of their service to customers. This is especially true in the hospitality industries (hotels, inns, restaurants), in the entertainment industries (cabarets, clubs, inns that call in geisha, etc.), and in all forms of the retail business.
The reason for this level of attention and service goes back to the days of the shoguns, when the custom of royal service demanded by the shoguns, their ministers, feudal domain lords and samurai warriors eventually resulted in common people expecting and dispensing the same level of service in their own lives.
A key factor in the spread of refined service among the common people was that for over 200 years (1630s to 1867) the feudal lords of Japan were required to spend every other year in Edo (Tokyo), the shogunate capital, to serve at the Shogun’s Court. This meant that they had to travel to and from their domains, with large retinues of attendants and warriors, stopping over nightly at inns along the way.
The feudal lords, like the shoguns whose behavior and expectations they imitated, required the highest possible level of service from the employees of the hundreds of inns that dotted the country, resulting in the custom of service reaching levels in Japan that was unknown in other countries.
The essence of the level of service that is common in Japan’s business world is reflected in the word O’kyaku San (Oh-k’yahk San), the primary meaning of which is “guest.” In other words, customers are not just customers. They are “guests,” with all of the cultural nuances this entails in behavior-conscious Japan.

7) Giri (Ghee-ree) / Obligations
Confucianism was introduced into Japan early in the history of the country, and was to have a profound influence on Japanese culture. Among the most important tenants of Confucian philosophy were the obligations children owe their parents, the young owe their elders, students owe to their teachers, and that all people owe to their superiors.
These obligations were natural and inherent. Broadly speaking, you were born with them as a result of your automatic relationship with your parents, elders, teachers, bosses, “lords” and so on.
As the generations passed these principles were enforced by a number of powerful social, economic and political sanctions, resulting in them becoming so deeply embedded in the culture that they were never questioned.
Interestingly, the most powerful of these sanctions was shame. Over time the Japanese became so sensitive about being shamed that avoiding shame became an overriding principle in their behavior; so powerful that many of them chose death—and often the death of their families—over shame.
The ancient set of obligations that Confucius prescribed for people have diminished dramatically in modern-day Japan, but they have not yet disappeared and are readily discernable in many situations, both social and professional.
Foreigners dealing with the Japanese on any level must be cautious about putting them in a position where they feel shamed—and remember that there have traditionally been two sides to being shamed. One was to commit suicide (which is now out), and the other side was to get revenge.

(8) Tatemae/Honne (Tah-tay-my/Hoan-nay) / Façades/the Real Thing
The essence of Japan’s traditional culture, which made being shamed one of the most terrible things that could befall a person, made a highly refined and structured etiquette mandatory and did not accept failure, resulted in the Japanese being extremely cautious in what they said and how they said it, especially when communicating with superiors and people with whom they had no binding ties or did not know.
This resulted in it becoming a deeply engrained habit for them to hedge their bets (so to speak) when communicating with others, meaning that they typically did not come right out and say what they thought in discussions that were more than just informal conversations.
In considering things presented to them and in negotiations it became customary to first present a tatemae (tah-tay-my), a facade or false front, first to protect themselves from any negative reaction, and second as a ploy to draw the other person out.
After a suitable period of both sides sounding each other out with facades, the next step was to present their honne (hoan-nay), meaning their real thoughts, their real intentions.
The Japanese discovered a long time ago that Americans and Europeans generally present their real intentions first (lay their cards on the table), giving the Japanese an advantage in negotiating with them.
The tatemae and honne custom is still alive and well in Japan.

(9) Kao (Kah-oh) / Face
The Japanese are exceptionally sensitive to insults or slights of any kind, including things that Americans and many others ignore or laugh off. In such matters of protecting our name, reputation, etc., we have very thick skins, while the Japanese often seem to have no protective skin at all.
This cultural element apparently derived from the fact that until modern times (post 1945) the Japanese were generally not allowed to express their individualism, their own preferences, except in ways that were traditionally sanctioned by their society—meaning doing only things their society approved of, and only then when they were done in the accepted Japanese way.
This meant that one of the few meaningful things that the Japanese had going for them was their kao (kah-oh), their “face,” their reputation. Losing face for the Japanese was therefore a very serious situation. When their face was trod on (so to speak), they were not only officially or formally allowed to complain they could in many situations, get even—including officially sanctioned attempts to kill the offenders.
Kao and haji (hah-jee), shame, were thus inextricably intertwined in Japanese culture, and still today play a significant role in Japanese life.
Foreigners dealing with the Japanese, for whatever purpose, should keep this cultural factor in mind. When it is impossible to avoid saying or doing something that is very likely to smudge the face of a person, you can mitigate its effects by apologizing in advance. [Accepting responsibility and apologizing has great weight in Japanese culture.]

10) Enryo (En-rio) / Holding Back
Any foreign lecturer or speaker who has ever given a presentation in Japan has almost without fail encountered the Japanese custom of enryo (en-rio), meaning “to hold back, “to say nothing.”
The practice of enryo has been a characteristic of the Japanese since early in their history because calling attention to themselves, speaking up, etc., was traditionally a very dangerous thing to do—and a trait that until very recent times the Japanese paraded as one of their primary virtues.
Of course, this is the opposite of the Western practice, and is therefore one of those areas where cross-cultural exchanges are sometimes disappointing to both sides—to the Japanese because from their viewpoint Westerners talk too much, and from the Western viewpoint because the Japanese don’t speak up.
There is now a great debate going on in Japan about the disadvantages they face in their foreign affairs because they do not speak up clearly or often enough—and leaders in many fields are preaching a new mantra, saying that the Japanese must learn to speak up or continue to be taking advantage of in their relations with Western countries.
But there is often an advantage to Japanese negotiators when they sit quietly and wait. The foreign negotiators invariably reveal their position up front as fast as they can, unintentionally giving the Japanese an edge.
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For more than 500 other extraordinarily insightful words in the Japanese language see the author’s Japan’s Cultural Code Words, and The Japanese Have a Word for It, both available from amazon.com.
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Copyright © 2010 by Boyé Lafayette De Mente. All rights reserved.

Ten of the Most Important Words in Korea

Cultural Insights that will Help You
Understand & Deal with Koreans

Boyé Lafayette De Mente

PREFACE
In my book Korea’s Business & Cultural Code Words I noted that all languages are reflections of the emotional, spiritual and intellectual character of the people who created them., and that the older, more structured and more exclusive a society and its language, the more terms it has that are pregnant with cultural nuances that control the attitudes and behavior of the people.
Here are introductions to 10 Korean terms that are especially important.

1) Han (Hahn) / The Force is With Them
As the world knows, South Korea is a tiny nation on the southern half of the Korean Peninsula that has one of the larger economies in the world, with huge industrial conglomerates that sell their high-tech products worldwide.
How this remarkable story came about—how this tiny nation of Asians that not too long age was part of a Hermit Kingdom that the industrial revolution had not touched—is not well known.
There are two things that help explain the amazing success of the South Koreans. One of these is that following the end of World War II in 1945 the southern portion of the peninsula came under the control of the United States, and despite a lot of stupid mishaps made it possible for the people of South Korea to develop a market economy.
The second factor that play a fundamental role in the incredible rise of South Korea is subsumed in the word han (hahn), which Korean scholars translate as “unrequited resentments”—which has to be explained because it means so much more than that phrase suggests.
My own definition is that han refers to all of the ambitions, all of the emotions, all of the desires, all of the natural impulses, all of the spirit, all of the intellectual impulses, that were oppressed and denied by the previous governments of Korea throughout their history.
When all of these repressed feelings were released by South Koreans being freed from the oppression and restraints of the past, the energy and power and passion they were able to bring to their efforts to create a modern economy have to have been seen to be fully appreciated.
This pent-up energy and passion of South Koreans has not yet expended itself, and going there and seeing the ferocity, dedication and diligence with which the people work is an astounding experience.
North Koreans, on the other hand, are still beaten down and mired in the mud of the past by their misguided Communist overlords. They have not yet been freed from the chains of han.

2) Hanguk (Hahn-guuk) / The Korean NationThe last line in the Korean national anthem does more to explain the pride and passion that South Koreans have in their nation than anything else I can think of. It goes like this:
“Let us love, come grief, come gladness, this, our beloved land!”
But to fully appreciate the passion and pride that all Koreans have traditionally had in their land you have to be a Korean—you have to know its history; its glories, its tragedies… especially its tragedies.
Over the past two and a half millennia the Koreans have been invaded and occupied by the Chinese, the Mongols and the Japanese, and when they were not fighting outsiders they were savaged by internal regional conflicts—and yet, despite these travails, Korea culture produced some of the worlds greatest works of art, created masterpieces of poetry and made technical advances (including movable type for printing!) far earlier than any other people.
Another reason for the pride Koreans take in their nation is the beauty of the peninsula. The native religion of the Koreans, like that of the Japanese and American Indians, included the belief that they were a part of nature, and that recognizing and respecting the beauty of nature was a key part of their being.
Knowing the way Koreans feel about their Hanguk, and fully respecting their feelings, can be a major asset for foreigners visiting and living in Korea.

3) Enuri (Eh-nuu-ree) / Bargaining as a Social SkillForeign visitors who go shopping in South Korea and foreigners who engage in business with South Koreans should be aware of the traditions of bargaining in the country. Like all old societies, bargaining in Korea has traditionally been an important economic skill—and also like most people Koreans looked upon bargaining as a social skill as well.
Of course the reason for the early development and widespread use of bargaining is that until recent times there were no widely established principles for setting the cost of goods or the value of labor. It was a matter of choice and need.
In today’s Korea department stores, fine boutiques and the like have fixed prices, but in the great city markets, enuri (eh-nuu-ree) or haggling, to use a colloquial term, is still practiced by merchants and shoppers.
There is something else visitors should know about bargaining—and negotiating—in Korea. The typical Korean is a mastering at bargaining because the nature of their class and rank-based society has made it imperative that they develop verbal skills to a high level, and that they become especially clever at using emotional tactics in their bargaining.
This latter ploy is something that typically throws Western businesspeople for a loop because they have little or no experience in using emotion as a bargaining tool. Koreans typically turn the negotiation of simple points into high drama by introducing various kinds of emotional elements. When this happens, the thing to do is to remain calm and collected and stick to your guns until your Korean counterparts accept the idea that you are not going to be bamboozled into anything.

3) Anshim (Ahn-sheem) / Peace of Mind…Korean Style
It may be a bit difficult to accept the idea that Koreans have a deeply embedded need and desire for anshim (ahn-sheem) or peace of mind after you have engaged in a bargaining session or had a personal encounter with someone. [Koreans regularly engaged in loud arguments and verbal fights that can be upsetting to those who don’t know what is going on.]
But the influence of Buddhism and Confucianism had a powerful impact on the mindset of Koreans, programming them to be at ease and comfortable only in settings that are highly structured in which all of the traditional forms of etiquette are followed precisely.
And obviously this conditioning did not preclude loud verbal bouts and even physical action when they were done within the accepted guidelines.
In today’s Korea the concept and importance of anshim continues to play a leading role. Korean culture continues to support the ideal of doing nothing to disturb the peace of mind of other people, in the use of language, in their personal relations, in the ethics they follow in business, and so on.
The main thing for foreigners to keep in mind is that anshim in Korea doest not mean the same thing as peace of mind in the Western world. Some of the demands and dictates in Korea’s business world, for example, go against everything Westerners hold dear.
Knowing when and how to develop and maintain anshim in Korea is an interesting challenge that requires substantial knowledge of the culture.

4) Chae-myun (Chay-me-yuun) / Saving Face
Because of the importance of social class and rank in pre-modern Korea all Koreans became incredibly sensitive about the behavior of others and their own behavior because there were so many things that could get them into trouble, and because there were precise forms of behavior that one had to know and follow to stay right with everybody.
This cultural factor gave birth to chae-myun (chay-me-yuun) or “face-saving” as one of the most important, and demanding, aspects of Korean behavior. And in pre-modern Korea doing something that made someone else “lose face” or for yourself to lose face was not a trivial thing. It could be, and often was, disastrous.
Still today chae-myum continues to be a major factor in all relationships, particularly in work environments and in all professional categories. The way Koreans go about saving face often does not conform to Western concepts of what is necessary, right or acceptable—a situation that often causes friction between foreigners and Koreans working in the same company or organization.
In fact, some of the solutions Koreans choose are so far out from what would be a
Western approach that they result in an impasse if not a complete breakdown in the relationship.
Here again, the only choice that foreigners in business situations have is to find out what the proposed Korean solution is before it is implemented (they sometimes do it without informing the foreign side), and try to work out a compromise if they do not agree with it.

5) Changpi (Chahng-pee) / Shame
Like the Japanese, the primary sanction in maintaining and enforcing proper cultural behavior among Koreans was traditionally changpi (chahng-pee) or shame, which was generally self-imposed.
Instead of being programmed by a religion to feel guilty as a result of wrong doing, and being subject to punishment by the keepers of this religion-based method of control, Koreans were conditioned to feel intense shame, which turned out to be a more powerful control mechanism than guilt, resulting in Koreans (and Japanese) being far better behaved than their religious-oriented counterparts.
Koreans still live in a shame-controlled culture—which is weaker than what it used to be but by Western standards is still incredibly strong. When Koreans themselves misbehave in any way, the feelings of shame are powerful.
When they are shamed by someone else’s behavior toward them, the sense of shame is generally even more powerful, and invariably calls for some kind of revenge.
The role of shame in Korean culture derives from the influence of Confucianism, which teaches that personal shame should be the basis of all morality—not religious or secular laws.
In earlier times, one of the major sources of shame for male Koreans was failing to live up to the expectations of their families, their fathers, their close kin and their clan. Now it is more likely failure to live up to their personal ambitions.
Here, also, it is important for foreigners dealing with Koreans to know enough about the culture to be aware of the kind of things that result in shame—and both avoid them and learn how to deal with them if they happen inadvertently.

6) Chib (Cheeb) / The Korean FamilyThere is a lot of talk in the United States and other Western countries about the importance of family, but the Western concept of family and the role the family plays in Western societies pales in comparison to the family in Korea.
To understand and appreciate the importance and power of the family in Korea one must fully understand the Korean term chib (cheeb), which literally means “household.”
The essence and role of the chib in Korean society goes back to the teachings of Confucius, which holds that respecting and obeying parents is one of the primary principles of morality.
For millennia Korea was known as the most Confucian-oriented country in Asia and this was reflected in every facet of Korean culture, but especially in the family where the father ruled supreme and women and children could not make decisions or act on their own.
One could say that in the Western sense individuals did not exist in traditional Korean society. Children were taught and required to think and behave in terms of their chib to avoid bringing any kind of dishonor to their family, to protect the family, to ensure its continuity.
The family was in reality the building blocks of Korea’s hierarchical social and political order that was based on absolute submission of inferiors to superiors.
While the role and importance of the family in Korea has weakened significantly since the mid-20th century it is still a major factor in the lives of the people—again far more important than in most other countries.
Among other things, adult Koreans will almost always consult with their families in order to get their approval before making decisions about work and other such matters. They almost never act on their own.
Foreign companies operating in Korea must keep this factor in mind in their management policies and practices.

7) Chingu (Cheen-guu) / Cultivating Friends
Friendships are obviously important in virtually all societies, for business as well as social reasons, but few people go as far as Koreans in their compulsion to develop and keep friendships.
The reason for this extraordinary behavior is that traditionally Koreans could not depend upon anyone except people with whom they had close personal and family ties…basically for anything... often including services that local officials and bureaucrats were obliged to do for them.
The obligations that family members had to each other and to their family as a whole virtually precluded them from establishing close relationships with more than a few outsiders. Most women spent their lives without ever speaking to, much less spending time with, anyone not a member of their family or close kin.
For one long period in the recent history of Korea women in urban areas could not leave their family compound during the day to shop or pay social visits. They were allowed to leave the compounds for a few hours only at night, during which men were required to stay indoors in order to keep the two sexes segregated.
Men had a lot more freedom than women, but their outside relationship were generally limited to contacts made in bars and kisaeng (kee-sang)—Korean geisha houses. They were not free to develop a circle of friends in the casual way that is common in Western countries.
These strict political controls ended near the end of the 1800s, but it was to be several decades before both men and women in Korea felt free to exercise the kind of personal freedoms Americans and others take for granted.
However, the legacy of the past is still very much alive in present-day Korea when it comes to friends and friendships. Koreans, especially men, go out of their way to develop and maintain a circle of friends because it is invariably through friends that they are able to get things done…a point that foreigners in Korea need to be aware of.

8) Chinshim (Cheen-sheem) / The Vital Role of Sincerity
When Koreans meet outsiders (meaning non-Koreans) their cultural antenna is always up and turned on. Their antenna is set to read many things about the people they meet—and one of the most important of these things is subsumed in the word chinshim (cheen-sheem), which translates as “sincerity.”
And not surprisingly, chinshim in its Korean context means a lot more than sincerity does in its English context. The reason for this difference is that for millennia in Korea there were no laws that protected the people or guaranteed any personal rights.
None of the many things that Westerners (now at least) can take for granted in their relationships with other people existed in pre-modern Korea—except with family members and the few personal friends that Koreans were permitted to have.
One of the very first things that Koreans attempted to measure in new people they met was their degree of chinshim (sincerity), and in its Korean context chinshim refers to a wide range of things—philosophical, spiritual and ethical as well as general character—which had to be of a high order to be acceptable, much less impressive.
Like all of the traditional cultural attributes of Koreans their concern with chinshim has decreased since the mid-1900s, but it remains an important part of their character and plays a significant role in their lives.
Among other things, when companies interview potential new employees there are a number of things that are on the top of their list—their name (which tells an enormous about the history of their family), what region of the country they were born in (also historically meaningful), where they went to school, and the level of their chinshim.

9) Chiwi (Chee-wee) / Rank Has its Privileges
In strict hierarchical societies rank is of vital importance because it is one of the primary foundations of such societies—you must know or quickly learn the rank of everyone you meet and have anything to do with because rank determines your language and your behavior toward others, how they treat you, and what you can, and may, get from them.
Until well into the 20th century Korean society was one of the most hierarchical-ridden societies in the world. People belonged to specific classes and categories within classes that were structured on an inferior-superior basis with very precise and very strict rules controlling behavior.
This factor made Koreans among the most rank-conscious people on the planet…and although considerable diminished from pre-modern days rank-consciousness is still an important facet of Korean culture.
In larger Korean companies, for example, the atmosphere can be very much like that at a strict military academy, with rigid formality between the ranks of the employees and managers and very little (if any) of the joking and casual chatting that one encounters in typical American companies.
This separation by rank also generally follows that of strict military organizations when it comes to longevity in a company. Employees who joined a company last year, for example, regard themselves as outranking those who joined this year, even though they may officially be on the same level in the company.
It behooves foreign companies setting up operations in Korea to be acutely aware of the importance of rank to Koreans in their management policies and practices—and this includes social as well as educational “rank.”

10) Chok (Choak) / Clans are Alive and Well in KoreaKoreans trace their history back to just a few family clans that entered the peninsula from the north or northwest. Over the millennia these clans grew, and although they eventually populated the entire Korean peninsula, they remained intact and fiercely protective of their identities and names.
Very early in the history of Korea leadership of the chok (choak) or clans became hereditary, with the families of the leaders becoming the royal houses and therefore vitally concerned about their genealogy.
From those earliest times down to the 20th century Korea’s society remained distinguished by its clans, with only a few families controlling the country—which was often divided into different regions under the control of one clan or another.
Although these ancient clans have survived into modern times and the original families still make up most of the elite of the country, democracy, individualism and a highly industrialized economy now overshadow their influence. But they are still important in matters of marriage, employment and political success.
Foreigners dealing with Korea would be wise to make themselves aware of the clan relationships of their Korean contacts, and to diplomatically sound them out about their family histories.
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For a comprehensive analysis of the character and personality of Koreans (and of course we are talking about South Koreans) based on 213 key words, see my books Korea’s Business and Cultural Code Words, and Korean Business Etiquette, both available from Amazon.com.
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Copyright © 2010 by Boyé Lafayette De Mente. All rights reserved.

Ten of the Most Important Words in Mexico!

Key Terms that Help Explain Why Mexicans
Think and Behave the Way They Do!

Boyé Lafayette De Mente

PREFACE
In my book There’s a Word for It in Mexico! I noted that all languages are reflections of the emotional, spiritual and intellectual character of the people who created them, and that the older, more structured and more exclusive a society and its language, the more terms it has that are pregnant with cultural nuances that control the attitudes and behavior of the people.

Here are brief introductions to 10 Mexican terms that fit this description.

1) Mexicanos (Meh-he-KAH-nohs) / MexicansIn another of my books—Why Mexicans Think & Behave They Way They Do!— I quote the popular Mexican saying: Como Mexico no hay dos! (Coh-moh MEH-he-coh no aye dohss!) – “There is no other country like Mexico!” – and this is true in a racial, ethnic and cultural sense.
To begin with, the character of Mexicans is made up of a blend of Indian, Moorish, and Spanish authoritarianism combined with medieval Catholicism, which produced a society steeped in religious rituals, personalism, machoism, a tendency for violence and—surprisingly perhaps—“an inherently sad-joyful nature that manifests in singing, dancing and art.”
As a result of this extraordinary mixture of cultures and spiritual cults Mexico’s traditional values and morals were forged in a caldron of aggressive religious intolerance, corruption, racism, male chauvinism, and an elitist political system that connived with the Church to keep ordinary people ignorant and powerless, and to deny them the most basic human rights.
This was the Mexico that existed from the early 1500s until the early 1900s when a revolution by the poor and downtrodden people swept away the power of the Church, and initiated a very slow process of reforming the government that is still going on today.
Most of the inhuman social policies of discrimination that were characteristic of Mexico for so many generations have been dramatically changed. But economic inequalities and endemic corruption are still embedded in the culture.
On a personal basis, however, the positive elements in the character of Mexicans generally outweigh the negative factors, making the average Mexican thoughtful, generous, kind, given to the pleasures of life, and incredibly proud of being Mexican.
This pride is something that most Americans are either not aware of, or ignore—and few Americans are fully familiar with the early history of Mexican-American relations. In addition to having invaded Mexico twice and having seized over half of the country’s national territory, until relatively recent times Americans living along the U.S.-Mexico border typically treated Mexicans with arrogant disdain—if not outright contempt.
For most present-day Americans Mexico is still an “undiscovered country,” and it is not easy to know because, as Mexicans say, it is unique. It must be experienced over a period of time, without reservations or prejudices—and one must be intimately familiar with the history of the country—to fully understand and appreciate the richness of its unique culture; to truly know what it means to be Mexican, the good and the bad.
The following terms go a long way toward explaining why Mexicans think and behave the way they do—and why it is important for Americans and others to see beyond the negative image that has long been attached to the word “Mexican.”

2) Moralidad (Moh-rah-lee-dahd) / Circumstantial Ethics
One of the elements of Mexican culture that has traditionally caused a great deal of friction between Mexicans and Americans in particular is that morality in Mexico has never been a black-and-white proposition. It has, in fact, been situational, depending on the circumstances of the time and place.
The reason for this is because from its inception in the early 1520s the Mexico that we think of today had no laws—religious or secular—that protected the rights of ordinary people. Both the Church and all levels of government were predatory, using the people, taking from them, and often abusing them in terrible ways.
Because the people had no system of security they could depend upon they had to react to each situation that arose on the basis of what would be least likely to bring harm to them, and most likely to help them. They were forced to become experts at creating morality on the spot.
The heritage of this long history of religious and secular abuse has not fully disappeared from Mexico and continues to give business and social relations a unique Mexican color and tone. But, that is not to say there are no people in Mexico who behave in a truly moral manner. There are—especially in the poor classes and among women.
As in virtually all societies, Mexican women are generally more rational and moral than the men because they must deal with the realities of life on a daily basis, while the men tend to live in a virtual reality that they themselves create out of the legacy of their bastardized history.

3) Dignidad (Deeg-nee-DAHD) / The Importance of Dignity
During the nearly 400 years that the overwhelming majority of Indians and Mestizos (Mixed-bloods) of Mexico had few if any rights of full citizenship—and often not even the right to be treated as human beings—they had few choices in the way they behaved. One of these choices, which they gradually copied from their Spanish overlords, was an exaggerated sense of dignidad (deee-ne-DAHD) or dignity.
With their behavior almost totally controlled by the Church and their elite Spanish overlords from the 1520s until the early 1800s and from then until the early 1900s by imperial dictators and their henchmen, ordinary Mexicans began to compensate for their slave-like social and political status and their abject poverty by developed an extreme sense of pride and dignity.
For many generations this sense of pride and dignity resulted in Mexico being one of the most violent societies on the planet. Men carried guns and knives and used them at the slightest hint of an insult. It was not until well into the 20th century that the majority of Mexican men stopped carrying weapons at all times.
Personal dignidad is still one of the most important cultural factors in the lives of Mexicans, and men in particular often go to extraordinary lengths to protect their “face”—their image of themselves as men.
It is therefore important for foreigners visiting Mexico and dealing with Mexicans abroad to be aware of this special sensitivity and take pains not to insult the dignidad of Mexicans.

4) Respeto (Ray-SPAY-toh) / Respect
Over the years I have asked many Mexicans to tell me the most important word in the Mexican language. Most men have automatically said respeto (ray-SPAY-toh), “respect” without having to think about it.
The extraordinary importance of the role of respect in the lives of Mexicans today is a natural outgrowth of 400 years of history when ordinary Mexicans were shown no respect at all by the elite religious, government and military forces that ruled them.
Disrespectful treatment by the social, economic and political elite over the generations created an intense hunger for respect in the mindset of common Mexicans—and was passed on from one generation to the next.
This hunger for respect fueled the Mexican emphasis on dignified behavior that was also an integral part of their character. Still today there are few if any things that are more likely to upset Mexicans than failure to show them respect.
Being aware of the Mexican need for respect, and how to respond to it, is one of the first lessons that foreign businesspeople must learn if they want to succeed in Mexico.
This does not mean that foreigners need to flatter Mexicans in order to get along with them and work with them cooperatively. It simply means that they want and expect to be treated with courtesy and good will.

5) Cortesia (Cohr-tay-SEE-ah) / The Role of Courtesy The higher the social level of Mexicans the more courteous they tend to be—but even the poorest Mexicans typically behave in an exceptionally courteous manner—especially when compared to Americans.
The exceptional cortesia (cohr-tay-SEE-ah) of Mexicans had some of its roots in the
rituals of the Catholic Church brought to Mexico from the 1500s on, and in the dignified manners and customs of the early Spanish overlords who often imitated the etiquette of the Royal Court of Spain.
But long before the arrival of the conquistadors who conquered Mexico, the Aztecs and other Indians of Mexico had developed even more dignified societies than the Europeans, with sophisticated manners that were both prescribed and enforced.
These elements, again combined with the fact that for more than 400 years common Mexicans were forced to create a virtual reality for themselves, resulted in courtesy becoming a primary trait in the character of Mexicans.
Modern-day younger Mexicans, fed a diet of American and Mexican pop culture, are losing some of the legacy of cortesia, but among the general population it is still significant enough that it remains a distinguishing characteristic of Mexicans and adds a special charm to life in the country.

6) La Verdad (Lah-vahr-DAHD) / The Truth
Just as there is Mexican time and American time, there is also Mexican truth and American truth. And again, this element in Mexican culture is a product of the history of the country.
As noted above, the common people of Mexico endured for some 400-plus years in a society in which they were not in control of their lives. Instead, they were subject to the will and the whims of religious leaders, dictatorial leaders, a ruthless military and a corrupt police force.
In this environment, la veradad (lah vahr-DAD) was whatever would protect them from the arbitrary and often brutal dictates of the people who ruled the country for their own benefit—not that of the common people.
It thus became automatic for the common people to stretch the truth or ignore it altogether in their relationships with others who had any kind of power over them—from the clergy to work bosses, and in particular representatives of local, regional and national authorities.
Still today common Mexicans will tell you that the laws of the country that are supposed to protect them are like rubber—always subject to being stretched by those charged with enforcing them.
Some Mexicans still today will automatically respond with the partial truth or no truth at all even when there is no immediate threat to them. But better education and more real personal freedom are slowly changing this built-in behavior.
For foreigners doing business with Mexicans the way to avoid having to deal with part-truth or no truth is to develop a solid relationship of respect and trust with the individuals concerned.

7) Responsibilidad (Ray-spon-sah-bee-lee-dahd) / ResponsibilityFor most of the 300-year reign of Spanish overlords in Mexico they treated Indians as if they were incapable of reasoning and therefore incapable of being personally responsible for anything.
And for the first 200 or so years of this strange time the overlords refused to allow the growing number of Mestizos (Spanish-Indian mixed-bloods) to have any significant degree of responsibility because they feared them. [The number of mix-bloods in Mexican ballooned exponentially after the Spanish conquered the country because it was official policy for the conquerors to impregnate as many Indian women as possible.]
This generations-long policy of denying Indians and Mestizos the opportunity to take responsibility left the bulk of Mexico’s population inexperienced in handling responsibility and extremely reluctant to do so.
It became natural for workmen to wait for precise orders from their bosses before doing anything—and often when something went wrong they would remain silent, waiting for the boss to discover the problem and give them new orders.
Freedom from Spain in 1821 did not significantly change the culture that the Spaniards had forged. Most Mexicans were to remain poverty-stricken and powerless for 100-plus more years, and subject to a degree of authoritarianism that prevented them from taking responsibility.
Still today foreign managers in Mexico must deal with the reluctance of workers to take personal responsibility for their actions, but this cultural factor is also changing rapidly with better education and the spread of American influence in the country.
As with la verdad, it is a matter of developing a good relationship based on trust and respect.

8) Simpatico (Seem-PAH-tee-coh) / The Sympathy SyndromeMexicans invariable rank the word simpatico (seem-PAH-tee-coh) among the five most important words in the Mexican language—and most English-speaking people immediately assume that the words means “being sympathetic,” and let it go at that.
But in its Mexican context being simpatico means a lot more than just being sympathetic. That definition, in fact, hardly touches on the real cultural nuances of the term.
In my book Why Mexicans Think and Behave the Way They Do! I explain that the term goes way beyond the English connotation of the word; that it infers that a simpatico person is also loyal, trustworthy and supportive, and can be counted on in times of trouble to do everything possible to help family and friends.
A simpatico person is one who understands your situation and agrees with your viewpoint—a concept that Americans and other English-speaking people do not necessarily relate to being sympathetic.
We often take the position that we are sympathetic about a problem, but in many cases our reaction is it’s your problem, not ours, and you are on your own. That is not the Mexican way, and for this reason Mexicans feel that Americans are not as humane, not as generous, as we like to think we are.
To qualify for being described as simpatico in Mexican terms you have to be willing to go all the way.

9) Machismo (Mah-CHEES-moh) / The Cult of MasculinityMexican writers like the great Octavio Paz say that Mexico’s famous (or infamous) machismo (mah-CHEES-moh) cult of male masculinity was a direct result of the Spanish overlords exercising their power to have sexual relations with any Indian or Mestizo female that caught their eye.
Prevented from taking any action when they saw their daughters, girl friends and wives being sexually used by the overlords, the Mestizos in particular created a new world of hyper sexuality for themselves, taking their normal sexuality to the extremes and becoming more aggressive toward women and more demanding in their relationships.
This attitude typically resulted in men becoming intensely angry when any women rejected their advances and often mounting elaborate campaigns to have the women one way or the other. Another side of this fierce sexuality was that once the men had the women they had targeted their ardor often vanished and they walked away, resulting in huge numbers of children being born to young unmarried girls.
Most Mexican men are still caught up in their macho image of themselves, but it is now generally much less hyper than it was for so many generations, and the higher one goes up the social ladder the more it is cloaked in sophisticated etiquette and often elaborate courting rituals.
As in the past the machoism of Mexican men does not always lead to marriage, so there is still a disproportionate number of children born out of wedlock.

10) Chistes (Chees-tehs) / Sardonic JokesMexican men, particularly those in the poor classes, have traditionally had a sardonic sense of human that evolved from the helplessness of their social, economic and political situation under the smothering Church, the rapacious government, and the brutality of the law enforcement agencies.
This humor, in the form of chistes (chees-tehs) or jokes, was used to help the men put up with their situation and was invariable aimed at institutions and leaders that controlled their lives and made it difficult or impossible for them to realize their ambitions for a better life.
The Catholic Church was one of the institutions that was most often slammed by this humor because it exercised such pervasive control over the poor and disenfranchised—especially the women who generally speaking were the only ones deeply influenced by the precepts of the Church.
The next most popular subject for sardonic humor in recent times has been politicians and bureaucrats who are primarily out to enrich themselves and their families. As in the United States, lawyers in Mexico are also a favorite target of biting humor.
Much of the male humor in Mexico, among the poor as well as the middle and upper classes, is (not surprisingly) sexual in nature. It is also often self-deprecating, which takes out some of the sting.
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For a comprehensive analysis of Mexican character based on key words see my books, Why Mexican’s Think & Behave the Way They Do!, and There’s a Word for It in Mexico, both available from Amazon.com.
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Copyright © 2010 by Boyé Lafayette De Mente. All rights reserved.

A Unique Training Method for Civilizing Kids!

Wisdom of the Ages
That Will Help Kids Control
Their Bodies & Minds!

Boyé Lafayette De Mente

Getting Control of the Body
Newly born babies come with a suite of software—which may be loosely described as instincts—already installed in their brains. The quality of this software varies greatly in individuals because it is something of a crap-shoot that we get from our combined ancestors’ pool of genes.
As a result of this method of evolution, a significant percentage of new-born babies start off with the cards stacked against them because their basic programming has glitches in it.
One very conspicuous example of this hit-and-miss approach is the very obvious fact that nature does not always get the sex of the individual just right. Some individuals who are born with male genitalia have an overdose of female hormones so they end up as “girly men” (to use a phrased coined by actor-politician Arnold Schwarzenegger), or as homosexuals who look like men but think and behave more like women.
On the opposite side of the gender programming, a certain percentage of individuals who are ostensibly born as females have an overload of male hormones and end up as masculine women or as lesbians.
Then there is a smaller group of people who really get the shaft when it comes to the allotment of genes that control their gender and end up being even more of a sexual mix up than homosexuals and lesbians.*
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*There is an obvious cure for all of these gender failings. Scientists could learn how to measure the specific sex genes required for fully functioning males and females, and see that children have the right amount before they are born.
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A hard-wired genetic factor that is even more common in both males and females is a wide disparity in the intelligence potential of individuals. Some people are born with an amazing potential for learning. Their eyes and faces literally glow with curiosity and intelligence. Others have faces that are like dim light bulbs that give off very little light. People in both of these categories may have great energy that can manifest itself in either good or bad ways.
These attributes are givens. They are built into the brain before birth. But these inherited traits can be muted or enhanced, depending on their nature and role. Like all animals, the genetically programmed behavior of human beings can be dramatically altered by training. In the first months and years of the life of children this training is generally designed to teach them how to behave like civilized human beings instead of little animals.
At first this is a strictly physical process, since the little ones are not yet capable of intellectualizing the lessons they are being taught. But little by little it works. Their ability to think gradually takes over and they begin to understand verbal teaching.
But too often the physical training that small children receive is limited to learning how to play. The point that many parents fail to perceive and follow up on is that from about the age of four or five the physical training that children receive—or fail to receive—will have a fundamental affect on their lives—mentally, intellectually, spiritually and philosophically.
There is now a growing body of evidence that one of the best training programs for young children and teenagers is a modernized form of a fighting technique that became popular in Okinawa after the island was unified into a single kingdom in the 1420s.
The new rulers of Okinawa banned the carrying of weapons of any kind by the populace. This resulted in the spread of an ancient Indian and Chinese method of defending one’s self with the bare hands, using techniques that made it possible for them to disable or kill an opponent with a single blow.
When this way of fighting was first imported into Okinawa from China it was known as Toh de (Tohh day)—literally “T’ang hand.” The Okinawans merged this with their own indigenous method of hand combat called te (tay) or “hand,” resulting in it eventually becoming known as karate (kah-rah-tay), or “empty hand.”
The Okinawans kept the training methods of karate a virtual secret until 1905 when a karate club was formed and the methods were finally revealed to the public. In 1922 an Okinawan karate master named Funakoshi Gichin staged a number of exhibitions in Tokyo under the sponsorship of the Ministry of Education.
This resulted in the appearance of a number of karate clubs throughout Japan. The country’s military and police forces also incorporated karate into their training programs. With Japan’s World War II defeat in 1945 training in karate virtually disappeared, but it was revived in 1955 as a modernized sport designed to teach positive character traits, and has since spread around the world.

Getting Control of Your Mind
There is, in fact, no way that an individual can get full control of his or her mind without special training, and for the best results this training should begin when he or she is very young—meaning, of course, that it has to be initiated and administered by a parent or some other adult, generally over a period of at least 10 years.
The first step in getting control of your mind is getting control of your body—and, again, intensive training in karate provides fast and enduring results.
Getting control of your body requires the use of your mind on its most basic level—a level that even the very young can understand and achieve. The more precise the forms that make up the physical training, and the more intensive the training programs the more control that is developed over the mind. Karate training combines and harmonizes this physical and mental training.
In today’s world the mind of the average untrained person is a trash dump of babble and garbage absorbed both knowingly and unknowingly over the years. To clear the mind of this trash, even for a second or two, is incredibly difficult and is beyond the ability of the untrained mind.
But unless you can consciously suppress or eliminate this garbage from your mind you cannot focus clearly and completely on either opportunities or challenges. This goal—absolutely clearing one’s mind and focusing with the power of a laser beam—was one of the primary aims of the martial arts training of Japan’s famous samurai warriors.
They pursued this goal with incredibly intensity through the practice of kendo (ken-doh), “sword-fighting,” and other demanding martial arts during childhood as well as after they became adults because their lives depended on their physical skills and mental control. Throughout their lives they were subject to being cut down (killed) without notice, when a single second could be all the reaction time they had.
I am not proposing that today’s kids be trained to the same degree or for the same purpose as samurai children, but modern-day karate is designed to instill the most desirable and admirable character traits in those who practice the art—including determination, diligence, perseverance, courage, respect for others, respect for one’s self, a refined sense of right and wrong, and justice.
Once these traits have been implanted into the mindset of preteens and teenagers their ability to control irrational emotions—that can cause great harm to themselves as well as to others—is dramatically increased.
In today’s world many parents depend on sports such as baseball and softball to instill desirable traits in their children. But this training encompasses only a small percentage of the world’s children, it is not started early enough or continued long enough, and does not directly or deliberately include all the lessons young people need to know about themselves and human relations.
I also do not propose that karate is the final word in training children and teenagers. But I believe it is far superior to any other training method that is available for young and old alike. In addition to addressing the physical and mental side of one’s being it also provides a spiritual base that is essential for a fully balanced life.

Taking Control of Your Spirit
The third most critical factor in the make-up of human beings is the spiritual element... and I do not mean a belief in some religious dogma, which is often so far removed from reality that it is both ludicrous and anti-human.
In fact, the misunderstanding and abuse of the spiritual element in human life has been the greatest self-imposed evil that has befallen mankind. Natural disasters and diseases, which have killed millions of people over the millennia, have not been as destructive or killed as many people as misplaced religious dogma.
Still today, despite millennia of learning and the development of an enormous reservoir of wisdom by many cultures, irrational religious beliefs continue to influence people to discriminate against, torture and kill each other in numbers that are incredible.
It now seems clear that the solution to this astounding human weakness will not be found in any organized religion, but in personal actions taken by individuals, including the nurturing and strengthening of the spirit.
In this effort I am not referring to anything supernatural, divine, or religious in any sense. I am referring to all of the mental attributes that make up one’s character and personality, and is a manifestation of the “force” that brings life to the body and mind. This spirit or life-force is something like a battery that runs our bodily functions, our thinking, and most of our physical actions.
The power of this life-force, which various greatly in individuals, it can be increased by physical exercises that challenge both the body and the mind. It can also be increased by learning how to focus the mind on a single thing—or emptying the mind altogether.
When this spirit/battery is fully charged it includes such elements as courage, determination, diligence regarding both large and small things, perseverance in pursuing goals, an appreciation for form and order, harmonious personal relationships, and respect for all things.
One of the primary goals of the modernized form of karate is to develop all of these elements by a type of training that is based on these factors. It introduces these elements to novice students as an integral part of the physical and mental training they undergo—not as abstract principles of behavior.
Karate students learn the lessons of how to think and behave in an ideal manner by actually performing the functions of the desired behavior…not by wrestling with abstract thoughts.
In this way, the philosophical aspects of karate are integrated into the body and the mind in a physical and mechanical sense. They become a part of the body and the mind.
Wise men and women learned a long time ago that when good behavior and knowledge are taught as physical subjects, not as mental exercises, they become embedded in the body and mind and have a lasting affect.
“Body memory,” as all great athletes, artists and performers know, is far more powerful and important than mental memory.

Training Your Intellect
Once you have taken control of your body, mind and spirit, the next step in becoming a fully civilized individual is to take control of your intellect—the higher order of your mind that understands things, that makes choices and decisions based on rational, logical thinking and whatever experience and knowledge you have accumulated.
But if and when irrational emotions take over the intellect it can override all of the other basic functions of the mind, making bad choices inevitable. So it is essential that the intellect be trained to harmonize with the body and spirit.
The final control of the intellect comes under the heading of philosophy, which refers to the love and pursuit of wisdom through intellectual means and moral self-discipline—with moral self-discipline being the key factor.
Without rational and humane moral self-discipline there is no dependable compass or overriding guidelines for behavior, which is the reason why so many well-educated and experienced people do such terrible things.
Again, something as simple as long-term training in modern-day karate can help reduce the incidence of destructive behavior. It is based on extraordinary self-discipline and a solid moral foundation—a combination that is absolutely required for leading the best possible life.
It is obvious, of course, that present-day child-raising and educational systems in the U.S. and elsewhere do not get passing grades in either of these two areas. Again, I do not claim that long-term training in karate is the complete or final answer to these problems, but there is substantial evidence that it makes a remarkable difference in the character and personality of both boys and girls as well as adults of all ages.
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Copyright 2010 by Boye Lafayette De Mente. All rights reserved.
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For a manual on the advantages of martial arts training, see the author’s Samurai Principles & Practices that will Help Preteens and Teens in School, Sports, Social Activities & Choosing Careers, available from Amazon.com and through leading bookstores. To go to the “buy page” of Amazon.com click on the title.
Boyé Lafayette De Mente is also the author of THE JAPANESE SAMURAI CODE—Classic Strategies for Success; SAMURAI STRATEGIES—42 Martial Secrets from Musashi’s “Book of Five Rings,” and over 40 other books on Japan, all available from Amazon.com.

The Incredible Influence of Languages on Human Behavior!

The Key to Understanding Human Behavior

Boyé Lafayette De Mente
To fully understand and know a people you must be intimately familiar with key words in their native language that control their thinking and behavior—a fact of incredible importance that has not yet become common knowledge even among scholars and educators, much less diplomats, politicians and the international business community.
Incredibly, the relationship between languages and cultural behavior is still only dimly perceived or is ignored altogether, with the result that the world is continuously roiled by misunderstandings, friction and violence.

America’s Cultural Failures
During the 1950s when I was based in Tokyo I was astounded to discover that almost all of the dialogue that American Embassy personnel had with their Japanese government counterparts—and particularly with the Japanese public—was with and through English-speaking Japanese—not American embassy staff who spoke Japanese.
What was even more astounding, I was told that it was the policy of the American diplomatic service not to assigned young Americans who had gone through Japanese language training courses to the Embassy in Tokyo for fear that they would “go native,” and not properly represent American interests.
The policy, it was said, was to assign them to a South American or European country for a minimum of three years before assigning them to the Embassy in Japan.
For their part, American businesspeople did not begin to seriously pick up on the importance of languages in their international operations until the 1980s and 90s. The loss in business opportunities and in time—not to mention the stress and frustration experienced by monolingual employees trying to do business with other countries—can only be imagined.
American businesspeople abroad having to depend upon their foreign counterparts to speak English was also a major disadvantage that created one problem after the other. During the 1960s and 70s as many as half of all Americans dispatched overseas by their employers failed to perform adequately or failed altogether because they could not speak the host language and could not adapt to the local cultures.
The American military was even slower in recognizing the connection between languages and culture and its ability to carry out its missions—and has been even further behind in taking steps to remedy this serious situation, despite the lessons learned during the war with native Americans in the last half of the 19th century, and again during World Wars I and II and all of our more recent wars.

The Blind Educating the Blind
It was not until the first years of this century that some American educators began to understand the importance of languages in human behavior and to advocate teaching foreign languages in schools as one of the skills necessary to understand and deal effectively with other people.
And still today only a few American educators have even achieved enough common sense to recognize that babies and toddlers can be exposed to and learn two or three languages at the same time, and that instead of damaging or restricting their intellectual development it makes them smarter and gives them a much broader, innate understanding of other people.
It was not until the advent of all-out war with Islamic radicals that some American bureaucrats and politicians on all levels of government began to think and talk about the need to understand the culture of Islam.
Mainstream Americans in particular have traditionally been insensitive to the cultures of minorities in the United States, automatically assuming that they would soon become homogenized and making no effort to learn anything about them—other than developing a taste for their ethnic foods.
The American attitude toward the cultures of those still living in their native countries has traditionally been even more myopic. The general consensus, both conscious and subconscious, has been that these people would be all right as soon as they became Americanized.
This systematic failing, which is certainly not limited to Americans, has traditionally resulted from lack of cross-cultural experience and ongoing ignorance of the nature of cultures.

Languages, Not Things, Transmit Culture
Most people still today mistakenly regard the arts and crafts of individual societies as their “culture.” Arts and crafts reflect culture but they do not create it and they do not transmit it. You can view and collect Chinese artifacts or Eskimo artifacts all your life and you will not become fully conversant with the cultures that created them.
What most of mankind has missed over the millennia has been the relationship between language and culture. Languages are, in fact, the repository as well as the transmitter of cultures. Languages are the essence, the tone, the flavor and the spirit of cultures, and serve as doorways to understanding them.
The influence that indigenous languages have on the values, attitudes and behavior of people is fundamental, and is one of the primary reasons why the present-day world is in a constant state of turmoil. We cannot communicate fully and effectively across the cultural barriers inherent in languages.
It is fairly simple to interpret or translate technical subjects from one language into another, but translating cultural attitudes and values into another language ranges from difficult to impossible. The translations may be perfectly correct as far as the words are concerned, but they seldom if ever include all of the cultural nuances that are bound up in the words and are the essence of the original language.
This results in people talking at each other instead of to each other—and generally neither side understands why they are seldom if ever in perfect agreement with each other…why they cannot get along.
It takes no great intellect or scholarship to recognize that the French think and behave differently from all other people, sometimes in subtle ways and other times in ways that are very conspicuous.
This difference applies to all people who are separated from others by language, and because typical Americans are the least sensitive to these cultural differences, they often find themselves criticized and attacked by foreigners seemingly without cause—not to mention the mistakes they typically make in interacting with people of other cultures.
There are obviously several factors in the creation of languages that make them unique, and these cultural-laden factors are not the result of conscious planning. They evolve naturally from a variety of influences that fashion and control the lifestyles of the people involved.

The Amazing Navajo Language
The language of the Navajo people of the American Southwest is a good example. It was not discovered until well into the 20th century that the Navajo language has a very large vocabulary that in many areas of thought is richer than English, French and other major languages.
The Navajo language has a larger and far more refined vocabulary relating to natural phenomena and human relationships than most of the world’s modern languages.
Among other things, the sophistication of the Navajo language resulted in the Navajos being natural poets. Many of their poetic chants and songs are sublime in the beauty of their wording and in the philosophy they express.
Without being steeped in the Navajo language it is simply impossible to understand the depth of the feelings that are expressed in these poems and to fully appreciate what they mean to Navajos.
Any attempt to truly understand the character and personality of Chinese Germans, Japanese, Koreans, Mexicans or any other group of people—to put yourself in their shoes, as the saying goes—must include a deep knowledge of the cultural essences of their languages, and this is a challenge facing mankind that cannot be easily or quickly resolved.

Universal Translators Are Not the Solution
Star Trek type universal translators are now technically feasible and there are a growing number of them already on the market. But they translate only the technical and objective meaning of the words; not the subjective meanings; not the cultural nuances. They simply cannot transmit or communicate feelings.
During my own decades of experience in Japan I have often said that not being able to talk to the Japanese in their language means that you are forever barred from entering their cultural circle—from understanding and expressing thoughts with the same essence, the same tone and the same flavor that is inherent in the Japanese language. I have also said this is like taking a shower while wearing a water-proof suit.
Inability to communicate in Japanese means that the visitor to Japan cannot participate fully in many of the cultural customs that are so dear to the hearts of the Japanese. One of the most important of these customs is the enkai (inn-kigh), which is usually translated as “Japanese style banquet” and is a kind of generic term that refers to a gathering where food and drinks are served, short speeches are made and there is usually singing and some other kinds of entertainment.
The first enkai of record occurred in the 7th century A.D. at the Imperial Court on New Year’s Day, starting a tradition of other such parties being held on other auspicious occasions during the year that has continued down to the present time. In 1873 the celebration was renamed Shinnen Enkai (sheen-nane inn-kigh), or New Year’s Banquet, and was held on January 5th.
Enkai were discontinued as an Imperial Court event after World War II, but they were continued by the general public as a way of celebrating special occasions any time of the year, including New Year’s and at the end of the year, when they were called Bonen Kai (boh-nane kigh), or “Party to Forget the Year” just ending.
Shinnen Kai and Bonen Kai are still held annually by the thousands throughout Japan, but there are dozens of thousands more that are held to celebrate promotions, company events, farewell parties, assignments abroad, political rallies, family gatherings, welcoming parties (for new company or club members), etc.
In earlier times the locations for enkai were almost always restaurants or halls that had Japanese style rooms with reed-mat (tatami) floors, but now many, especially large ones, are also held in hotel banquet halls that are Western style, with tables and chairs.
The importance of the enkai to Japanese can hardly be overstated. They are one of the primary ways the Japanese bond with each other in both formal and informal ways during the proceedings. There is usually a “master of ceremonies” who conducts the activities of the parties, calling on participants to provide entertainment.
For the Japanese the enkai are an institutionalized and ritualized way for them to express and nurture their Japaneseness, to shore up their psyche and energy, and strengthen their bonds with each other and their guests.
Foreign businesspeople can get a lot of cultural mileage out of sponsoring enkai for their Japanese affiliations, as well as by attending (when invited) those staged by the Japanese side.
Dinners (and sometimes lunches) arranged for large tourist groups in resort hotels and inns are typically done enkai style, with the participants wearing yukata robes, sitting on tatami (reed-mat) floors at low tables, and being called upon to perform some kind of entertainment—a situation that regularly puts most visitors on the spot because they have no experience singing or dancing in public.
But you cannot get the full flavor of an enkai or fully appreciate its cultural importance if you are not fairly fluent in the Japanese language and do not participate in the activities.

Increasing Understanding, Tolerance & Cooperation
The world will never know universal peace and goodwill toward all until fundamental cultural differences, particularly religions, are resolved—or at least diminished to the point that they can be settled without resorting to war.
Despite all of the ranting and railing that it would cause, I propose that the fastest and most effective means of achieving this goal would be for all non-English speaking people in the world to be required to learn English as a second language.
English is already the language of international business, and business on a global basis is the only way to eradicate poverty, provide a decent living standard for the world’s masses, and serve as a substitute for war.
This would not mean that people would have to give up their native languages or the facets of their culture that are positive and nurturing. But it could and should mean that the English language culture they absorb would help make it possible for them to think and behave on the same wavelength as the rest of the world.
The movement toward English becoming the international language is already well underway but at its present pace it could take fifty to a hundred or more years before it is widespread enough to significantly reduce misunderstandings and disagreements to a manageable level.
Promoting the teaching of English on a worldwide basis would be something that the United Nations should be able to do—after it overcomes resistance from its own “nationalism-first” delegates.
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Copyright © 2010 by Boyé Lafayette De Mente. All rights reserved.

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See Amazon.com for several books by the author that identify and explain the “cultural code words” of the Chinese, Japanese, Koreans, Mexicans, Navajos and Hopis.